Tony Cunnane's RAF Years

Shackletons routinely flew very long sorties – the longest I flew in my time with 38 Squadron in Malta (1958-59) was almost 20 hours without landing or refuelling. There was, therefore, a need for some kind of toilet. For this purpose an Elsan chemical toilet was mounted, sometimes not very securely, near the aircraft's rear entrance door, as far away from the galley as possible for obvious reasons. There was a plastic curtain that could be drawn around the Elsan to provide a degree of modesty but in my experience most users did not bother with it. When I was flying as an Air Signaller on Shackletons with 38 Squadron in Malta in 1958-9, we sometimes played jokes on a new pilot.

Towards the end of a very long sortie, when the auto-pilot was flying the aircraft, all ten crew members were getting bored and soporific, and the Elsan was getting rather full, a group of three or four air signallers would decide to rush together from their usual off-watch gathering point near the galley in the centre of the aircraft, towards the Elsan. This unexpected change in the aircraft’s centre of gravity usually caused the auto-pilot's safety mechanism to trip out whereupon the aircraft would suddenly pitch nose up and everyone, especially the new pilot, would suddenly wake up in some alarm. What fun!

‘Sorry, Captain,’ one of the signallers would call out on the intercom in response to the pilot’s polite request to know what was going on, ‘Had to rush to the toilet. Didn’t have time to warn you!’

The pilots’ revenge for this could be very unpleasant. When a crew member was known to be seated on the Elsan, an unscrupulous pilot seeking retribution could deliberately disengage the auto-pilot and then gently start easing the aircraft’s control column backwards and forwards, causing the aircraft to rock on its fore and aft axis - and the fluid in the Elsan to start swilling about under the force of gravity. The pilot knew when to stop because, even above the roar of the four mighty Griffon engines, he could hear the howls of anguish as the foul liquid came into contact with the unfortunate crew member’s rear parts.

There was an even more alarming story, current on 38 Squadron when I was there although I cannot vouch for its authenticity, about a crew member who, whilst sitting on the Elsan, found another way to frighten the pilots – and the rest of the crew as well. The Elsan was mounted at right angles to the direction of flight. When sitting on it you had your back to the port side airframe, more or less facing the rear entrance door. Along that wall of the port fuselage, running through metal guides, were the control wires that were directly connected to the rudders and elevators (no power-operated controls in those days). It is alleged that this particular crew member reached behind his head whilst seated on the Elsan, grabbed one of the control wires at random and pulled down hard, thereby causing the aircraft to lurch violently. Very nasty!

In case you should wish to know, here is a bit more about Elsans. The name derives from the first two initials of the inventor, E L Jackson, plus ’san’ from sanitation. Elsans have been providing convenient mobile relief since 1924. There is a fascinating website that will tell you all you need to know about Mr Elsan and his invention.

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